We Did It. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Well folks....we did it. We survived the last four weeks! My stress level is back to normal (with the exception of multiple dirty laundry piles still waiting to be done), and I am LOVING the holiday break with my husband HOME.

Jeff and I successfully applied for TWELVE (12) Ph.D. program around the country, and now we just wait to hear back. 'We,' meaning Jeff is the applicant and Jen did all the data entry, applied for programs in North Carolina, New York, Texas, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Iowa, Virginia, Washington, Georgia, and Arkansas. Of the twelve places.... I only want to live in like 3 of them, but we'll go wherever 'we' are accepted. (Somewhere...please accept us!)

I have all of my Christmas shopping done, with the exception of snow boots for Carson, and it's all wrapped and ready to go. Our Rockin' Christmas Music Video for the family Christmas Eve Party is all prepared and I sure hope it's funny!!!

Although I can't post our actual Rockin' Christmas Music Video, with Jeff and I singing, because it would be TOO embarrassing, I can show excerpts from the filming of it. Only family gets to see the real thing. Sorry guys. Be grateful for what you do get to see. lol


I am terribly excited for Christmas day and can hardly wait to see a certain reaction to a certain present that will be opened on Christmas day. It's always SO hard for me to keep secrets like these.

Anyway, tonight is the first night in weeks where I can just sit back, take a deep breath, and enjoy some much needed R&R. I caught up on my facebook, my gmail, and my blog reading.... and it has been an exceptional evening.

A special thanks to all who supported me through this crazy time, let me ignore our friendships for the last two months and listened to me complain.

Side note: The last few weeks of stress actually suppressed my appetite and I lost 5lbs since Thanksgiving. Guess I'll have to gain it back during Christmas and start again in the New Year!


Happy Holidays!!!

Insanity

My baby is finally sleeping. It was a very long night! My husband sought solace on a bed of sleeping bags, which he made on the living room floor, but I am wide awake.

I wish you all could see me now. It’s 4:46 am. I’m sitting on the floor of our bathroom, writing this blog on a laptop. The shower mat is surprisingly comfortable and the bathtub makes a great back rest. If I’d only taken the stinky, overflowing garbage can out yesterday….this wouldn’t be a half bad space.

I’ve had a lot of restless nights lately, so forgive me if this doesn't make sense. I don’t even know where to begin. For the first time- in a long time- I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed by life. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my life, but SO much is going on! Honestly, I am so grateful for the gift of agency, but I am getting seriously frustrated with some of life’s important decisions & SO much responsibility!

Decision 1- Where to get a Phd??? Our wonderful world of limbo

Jeff has always wanted to be a university/research professor, but the road to a PhD is a long one. There are hundreds of schools around the world that offer his PhD program and the time is here for “us” to apply.

Jeff has been busy with school and has asked me to ‘take care’ of it. I have spent countless hours researching these programs, the requirements, the areas, etc. It has been a nightmare! This choice will determine our future---where we will live for the next five years, the environment I will raise my children in, the place where our children start school and set the foundation for Jeff’s future career. Talk about a decision!!!!!!!

Gratefully, the decision will be made in the next 3 weeks. I just hope my sweet children and home can take a little more neglect, because once we’re done… we’re done. 10 schools, 10 applications….and then we wait to see what happens. Jeff has a 5 -15 % chance of being accepted into a program. Everyone cross your fingers!

Decision 2- Family Planning

I think that I’m not typical, but I want “a lot” of children. So trying to time a 3rd child, while living in this time of uncertainty, has really been traumatic. Do we start??? Do we wait??? Do we prevent??? Do we try??? I never would have guessed that these decisions would be so painful.

Decision 3- Weight Loss

Jeff and I know we need to live healthier lives and weight loss is part of that goal. We’ve started working out at 5am. We’re eating a “fat burning” diet. But these changes are making me ill. I’m sick, I’m tired, I’m sore and I have a semi-permanent headache. Am I doing something wrong or is this just part of my transition? My children are sick and their sleep is irregular. Can I make this commitment to 5am and low-carbs… when I can’t seem to get enough sleep?

In conclusion--- I’m tired, I’m stressed, my house is a mess, my children are sick, the finances are tight, and it’s a crazy time of year …. I just don’t know how to cope. I like to think a ‘vacation’ would help, but I know that would only make things worse… and just add more clothes to my laundry pile.

Am I crazy for thinking life is hard right now?