Insanity

My baby is finally sleeping. It was a very long night! My husband sought solace on a bed of sleeping bags, which he made on the living room floor, but I am wide awake.

I wish you all could see me now. It’s 4:46 am. I’m sitting on the floor of our bathroom, writing this blog on a laptop. The shower mat is surprisingly comfortable and the bathtub makes a great back rest. If I’d only taken the stinky, overflowing garbage can out yesterday….this wouldn’t be a half bad space.

I’ve had a lot of restless nights lately, so forgive me if this doesn't make sense. I don’t even know where to begin. For the first time- in a long time- I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed by life. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my life, but SO much is going on! Honestly, I am so grateful for the gift of agency, but I am getting seriously frustrated with some of life’s important decisions & SO much responsibility!

Decision 1- Where to get a Phd??? Our wonderful world of limbo

Jeff has always wanted to be a university/research professor, but the road to a PhD is a long one. There are hundreds of schools around the world that offer his PhD program and the time is here for “us” to apply.

Jeff has been busy with school and has asked me to ‘take care’ of it. I have spent countless hours researching these programs, the requirements, the areas, etc. It has been a nightmare! This choice will determine our future---where we will live for the next five years, the environment I will raise my children in, the place where our children start school and set the foundation for Jeff’s future career. Talk about a decision!!!!!!!

Gratefully, the decision will be made in the next 3 weeks. I just hope my sweet children and home can take a little more neglect, because once we’re done… we’re done. 10 schools, 10 applications….and then we wait to see what happens. Jeff has a 5 -15 % chance of being accepted into a program. Everyone cross your fingers!

Decision 2- Family Planning

I think that I’m not typical, but I want “a lot” of children. So trying to time a 3rd child, while living in this time of uncertainty, has really been traumatic. Do we start??? Do we wait??? Do we prevent??? Do we try??? I never would have guessed that these decisions would be so painful.

Decision 3- Weight Loss

Jeff and I know we need to live healthier lives and weight loss is part of that goal. We’ve started working out at 5am. We’re eating a “fat burning” diet. But these changes are making me ill. I’m sick, I’m tired, I’m sore and I have a semi-permanent headache. Am I doing something wrong or is this just part of my transition? My children are sick and their sleep is irregular. Can I make this commitment to 5am and low-carbs… when I can’t seem to get enough sleep?

In conclusion--- I’m tired, I’m stressed, my house is a mess, my children are sick, the finances are tight, and it’s a crazy time of year …. I just don’t know how to cope. I like to think a ‘vacation’ would help, but I know that would only make things worse… and just add more clothes to my laundry pile.

Am I crazy for thinking life is hard right now?

Kissing Casanova

Even as an infant, I could have sworn that Carson was a flirt. As early at 3 months old, he could bat his lengthy eyelashes and smile at "pretty" girls. These techniques have gotten him free cookies at the grocery store, candy and compliments. For his birthday I bought him a shirt that says "Flirt in Training." I'm not sure where he gets it, because I know it didn't come from his father, but Carson is quite the charmer.

I went to pick-up Carson up from the church nursery on Sunday. When I entered the room one of the nursery teachers announced, "Carson's Mom is here," and then she started to giggle.

"There's something we should tell you," she said, as she continued to laugh. "Carson had his first kiss today, and we thought that you should know."

Apparently, the Nursery teachers watched as Carson and little Addie, a girl in his class, lovingly embraced. Within a few seconds, it seems that Carson innocently gave her a his kiss...RIGHT ON THE LIPS, which made all the teachers laugh.

"It was very cute," she said, "but we didn't see it coming."

I shook my head, rolled my eyes and thought..." Oh great, my kid is the kissing kid." I laughed out loud and recounted stories about my little Casanova and apologized to to Addie's Dad, who didn't think it was THAT funny.

I still laugh when I think about it. Carson, the kissing kid. Yep, that's my kid. When I later asked him, "Did you kiss Addie today?" He responded with, "Eva."

"Eva, Who's Eva? I though that you liked Addie!"

Has Carson already set his sights on someone else or has he forgotten Addie's name? Poor Addie. I hope she doesn't take it personally.

Blah, Blah, Blah....Blog

So, it's been awhile since my last post because I was basically without a computer. Allow me to explain. We moved the computer into our bedroom a few months ago, because I couldn't stand the hideous desk it sat on to be in the living room any more. It was always covered in bills, clothes, and paper. It took up way too much space, and was definitely an eyesore. We didn't have a strong connection to the internet in our bedroom, and alas... I could not blog.

Then we moved the computer into Carson's room when Maylee was born. Bad idea. Mom's are supposed to blog when kids are sleeping, but how do you do that when the computer is in the room they are sleeping in?

Thankfully, my parents gave Jeff a beautiful, black computer desk, which is too small to pile with crap, for his birthday, because I asked them to, and it fits nicely in our living room!!!!

I can blog again! (And read yours again too)!
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What you've missed in the past couple of months............................................. Not much! My brain is no longer in blog mode. I've forgotten how to blog. But at least I can now, right?

Goodbye Eyesore----